How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
