Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
