I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
