idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
