did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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