We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
sarcasm needs its own font
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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