What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
