the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
