I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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