Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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