I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
