Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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