...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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