i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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