she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
