hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
