i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
