I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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