In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
