you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
