She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
