I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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