Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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