Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
