Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
