Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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