you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
