So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
