Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize