How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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