Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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