Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So squirting runs in the family.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
