Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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