I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
