i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hippo gnu deer
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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