This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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