Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
