The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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