I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
