There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
