Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
