The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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