Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
