Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
