ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
