No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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