she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
