after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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