And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
