I will die if light touches me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
