That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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