If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
