If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
