Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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