sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize