so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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