There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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