Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
