i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
