I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
