he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I want to be your penis for a week.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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